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Sunday, 03 February 2008
BANNED by Amazon.com!
Haven't done a news blog in a while and now there is so much news I can't face writing it all down. So lets speed it up for both of us.
This blog is now syndicated to Amazon.com which means you can read it there. You can also start discussion boards on any of the Amazon sites – just go to any of the DANNY books and you'll see it at the bottom of the page.
For some reason, which we have not yet been able to identify, the I'll be Your Dog edition of 2 has disappeared for Amazon.com's search. We are currently engaged in trying to get someone to tell us why. Whether the Americans have thrown a hissy fit and decided it's too rude and have banned it, we don't know. Hopefully, in about six months maybe, we'll get an answer from someone and even, God forbid, get it fixed.
I did a 'personal appearance' – I think Max sent you all a newsletter to that effect – at the Creative Cultures Scotland 'do' here in happy Aberdeen. I spent most of the evening fielding inane questions, hearing repeatedly "It's a big book, isn't it?" as if I had somehow committed a personal affront by daring to write such a thing when no-one has the attention span for anything longer than half a paragraph (allegedly), plus I sold a few books, of course.
I was perplexingly lucky, in that it was Max who got all the aspiring authors, and the worst thing that happened to me was being asked (again) to do a piece for a week long exhibition/performance/installation event that's going to be staged here in the summer.
I met the organiser at one of Max's art shows recently (he had two running simultaneously) and she had been wanting him to do some art for it. She was sat beside me and I asked her what the show was. It's called Sea, Sand and something else which I've forgotten now, and intends to be a week long extravaganza incorporating all the arts and artists in Aberdeenshire.
Somehow I got into being sounded out to do something for it and me, in my usual off-putting form (yes, I know, but I can't be arsed being sidetracked any longer) made some sardonic quip about "I don't think anyone would really go for the Secret Sex Life of Mermaids" referring to what I'd likely turn out.
Next day she e-mailed to say she was most taken with the idea inspired by my "casual remark" etc, etc, etc (I was joking) and so it's gone on.
Unfortunately every time she brings it up now I am more forcefully reminded of my mother – which isn't helping my enthusiasm. She seems to want me to do something humorous and while DANNY has a lot of humour it is of a decidedly treacle-black nature, and often at someone else's expense.
I think Max sent her a sample from my work, but no doubt she hasn't bothered to read it and is still going about her merry way imagining God knows what about me and mine. I've had a lot of experience in life of people keen to have my talents and then, faced with what comes out of my head, they have anything from full-blown panic attacks to last minute cold feet.
I don't know if I've ever told you this before, but I once had a children's panto taken off me and re-written to censor its content.
No, I'm not kidding and, no, there was no nudity, sex or bad language. It was produced for a Health & Safety initiative and when the committee (made up of police, firemen, St John's Ambulance and the local council, I seem to recall) saw it they freaked at the 'dangerous pranks' that would encourage children to stand on wobbly chairs, stick their hands on cookers and fall over cats.
I refused to censor it on the grounds that it was counter-productive, not to mention downright insane, so they gave it to another cast member (I was also acting in it) and he re-wrote it, removing the 'offensive' passages.
Ironically, it was the highlight of the programme (there were four plays in total), the kids loved it, and every member of the committee came up to me afterwards to congratulate me and to tell me I'd been right and they'd been wrong.
Such, dear people, is the capacity of human beings to not know a good thing till they see it… tangibly… right in front of them… with people applauding and cheering.
I've got so much on my plate right now (DANNY 1 in the U.S., Volume 3 reading/editing, dictating/typing/editing Delaney, plus sounding out TV in the US and designing a publicity campaign for IMDB) that I can't face the thought of putting valuable energy into a project only to experience 'the face' at the end of it, along with the usual "Oh, this isn't how we imagined it" when presented with my take on mermaids' sex life.
Anyway, we'll see. A lot could go wrong between now and September and they might never get the project off the ground. In the meantime I am going to remain stubbornly noncommittal.
More news. I am on the Creative Cultures site both as myself and as a feature on PP and DANNY. Here are the links. Yadda, Yada, Yada About Me and, a little more interesting, Some New Shit about the Book.
What else? The book's on lots of weird new places like Amazon Canada and Japan and some strange site in Italy which I can't read because I don't speak Italian.
There's pictures of me (and Max) on the Artreview.com web site but I'm not giving you a link because I look so fat in them I look like my grandmother, and that is totally unnerving. No need to share it.
That's about it. I'm just about to dictate pad three of Delaney for Gillian and I was wrong about it having no sex in it. So far there's been exactly one blow job, on screen as it were, but the whole thing stinks of it. It is redolent with sex, oozing out of every pore in fact, so if I did turn it into a competition for people to finish it I'm not sure where they'd go with that.
Still not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite good and has strong characters – but I don't know. Again, I have so much to do right now, and some of it very pressing, that it feels too uncertain to take a chance on it. Anyway, I'll finish it first then see.
I'm also in the middle of reading Volume 3 part 2. I've already read part 1 and now I'm in the dark half. Eh, it's a funny book, part 2 – it's dark in a whole different way from any of the others. I'm going to shock you all now and say you haven't really seen the characters with their defences or pretences down like you do in 3. It's like they hit some new kind of low. It also takes some tremendous risks with the book's favourite characters, showing them doing things some readers may not be able to forgive them for.
Ah well, what will be will be.
I wonder, reading 3, if there will be some kind of progression through the books where readers who can't handle certain aspects give up on it. Will there be conversations like, "Oh yes, I loved DANNY 1 & 2, I thought they were great, and I really liked the first half of 3, it seemed to be going into such a positive place, and then it all somehow went sour. I didn't like part 2 at all, far too weird and dark, and I couldn't handle all that kinky abusive stuff with the make-up and the constantly revolving threesomes – beyond bizarre."
Actually, I might quite like that. Be nice to know you could still unnerve someone after 3 volumes.
But it does beggar a question I'd like to put to you all.
For some time now I've been thinking that I really need to split this blog up into ordinary 'Stuff Chancery Wants to Talk About' and in-depth talking about the books. I can't really talk about Volume 3 in here, partly because no-one would get it if they haven't read the first two books, and that would just alienate potential readers, and partly because it would be spoilering of epic proportions. I can't be arsed having to couch everything I say in euphemism (remember the big shiny present?). So I'm going to try putting the in-depth stuff on a separate blog.
What I need to ask you is this:-
I have two options. Live Journal or MySpace. Do you have a preference?
Just before I closed LJ down I bought a paid-for site (I know, the irony), so I have a good location there with plenty of bells and whistles. The big advantage of LJ is it's a good, bug-free site. I can use LJ cuts and/or friend-lock it so that I can talk with no danger of publicising anything that shouldn't be publicised.
On the downside, it's a real piss-ant site. I don't know why, exactly, it just seems to be completely overrun with (let's be honest) annoying fangirls, and it's chief fodder is pulp: pulp TV, pulp comics, pulp movies, pulp fiction, pulp culture. It does have to be said though, that if we were friend-locked that would be of no consequence whatsoever. Also, it's not a publicity site we're talking about here, and if we don't want it to 'recruit' or convert, who else uses the site is fairly irrelevant.
MySpace, on the other hand, simply is not such a user-friendly site. We have a DANNY site already set-up on there that is currently not used. It has the advantage that blog titles only are displayed on the profile page, so we could avoid spoilers that way. The downside is it's buggy. MySpace is more awkward to post blogs onto, is fussy about formats, likes to take over and converts text, is always advertising at you and sending you off places you don't want to go, is thoroughly crap at dealing with problems (I've had an angry fangirl hacking my MySpace account since forever and despite repeated attempts MySpace seems unable to deal with it).
On the upside, it's huge, is used by everyone and his dog (which doesn't much feel like an asset, I have to admit) and has a far broader spectrum of ass-wipes than LJ. At least you get moronic rockers and rappers, porn stars and BBWs (Big Beautiful Women) on there. They kind of de-saccharine it, even if they don't make it any more intelligent.
As I'm completely indifferent either way I'll leave it up to you.
LJ or MySpace? And if you do decide on LJ do you want it friend-locked so that only the cognoscenti can get in? It sounds rather elitist but then, you are an elite, and it does save us having to watch what we say – ever.
Lastly, thanks to everyone who has written or who is planning to write a review. Very much appreciated. If you do write one please go a little mad with it and spend a couple of evenings posting it (or them) all over the internet. You've got Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk, plus Barnes & Noble in the U.S. – the BIG 3, as I think of them. They are always a good foundation.
After that try putting 'reader review' or 'book review' into Google and see if you can find any other book reading sites. There's literally thousands of the little fuckers – some specialist, like crime, romance, gay (all of which you can head DANNY under, as it is all of those things and none of those things), or just general We-Like-to-Read sites.
Spread the word, go forth and evangelise – and get DANNY 3 all the faster.
P.S. Forgot to mention – still recruiting new readers at a rate of 2 male to 1 female. What, exactly, is going down here? (Every pun intended.)
P.P.S. Max has put on a gallery of photos of our stand at the Creative Cultures night - just up to your right there. (ETA [these addenda are going to be longer than the blog] I have now captioned up the photos with all the interesting gossip. Come and see who won Most Sexually Repressed for the evening...)
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Not yet discovered the wonder of The DANNY Quadrilogy? You can check out all the volumes in print now at Poison Pixie where you can read an extract of Volume 1 for FREE! Or start your collection on Amazon here where you can also buy a print sampler, entitled CULT Fiction, containing an introduction to the DANNY series and an excerpt from Volume 1, for only £2.99.
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Lastly, there is an independent DANNY Discussion Board run by fans, C Stone's DANNY where anyone is welcome to go along and chat about the book till their guts bust.
21:30 Posted in Blog , Books , Leisure , Web | Permalink | Email this
Comments
Hi my votes for live journal because I've just about got my head round how it works, my friend tried to get me on my space before but I didn't know what the hell was going on. Bit better at Internet stuff now though so if it is my space I'll work it out in the end. I would also say locked because there would be no chance of people wondering on and spoiling the surprises for themselves, and you could do the secret site password thing.
I'm not sure whether you've already seen but it seems that amazon.com have taken book 1 off as well I could only find Personal Jesus addition when I did a search.
While I'm here what do you think of me and Jill taking DANNY to a market (or book fair or art fair if we can find one, my campus is centered around all art related things so I usually hear about stuff in advance). With a big sign advertising the book and one of us walking round with leaflets talking to people about it to give it the hands on approach in our area. We'll take someone whose got the gift of the gab as well. (This came from Jill having a dream that we set up a stall in Barnsley market to sell the books. I'm telling you, Jills subconscious is linked up to the books. Remember the last word? It's getting weirder)
By the way just read the some new shit about the book and I think it is one of the best things I've read about DANNY, thats almost exactly what I think but can't say as straightforwardly (see).
PS I am finding it so hard to think of a review for 2 without giving away spoilers for 1, everything I put seems too vague so has little feeling or not vague enough so people may guess things. This is hard.
Posted by: Jodie | Wednesday, 06 February 2008
Okay, Jodie, before I say another word I need to know what Jill dreamt about Barnsley market. Specifically, how did she feel in the dream? Was it a good or bad dream? Was she selling the books or having communication problems? I don't need to know any details (unless she feels they're significant), but I need to know precisely how she felt, especially her onging feelings. Did she go through a progression with them or what?
Tell her she needs to get her ass over here and pretend she's on the psychiatrist's couch. I MUST SEE INTO HER BRAIN!!!
On a much saner note - I have one vote for Myspace (Jen - she uses my blog there) so far. Come on, someone, we need at least one more for a casting vote.
Amazon.com doesn't have V1 (it was never released there, that's why I'm doing the new U.S. edition, with an all-new spanky cover) so thisis one occasion where they have NOT fucked up.
As for you doing a market/fair. Absolutely. Have you ever done anything like it before? I ask because unless you are a VERY good salesman they can be a bit dispiriting. As long as you think you can handle not selling a single copy without being completely discouraged then absolutely. Of course, if you are a good salesman or are in a very good pitch you can find it hugely rewarding too. I think the most we've ever sold in one day was 18 copies - and that was a very good day. For obvious reasons DANNY is a hard sell, mostly because no-one's ever heard of it, and people do depend on fore-knowledge of things. It makes them feel secure.
On the plus side, you and Jill are not emotionally invested in the book and I suspect you would/could be far more succinct than me in selling it. I suffer from what's known in the marketing industry as The Curse of Knowledge. I know my own book too well.
I still can't do the Elevator Pitch. This is where you have exactly the length of an elevator journey to sell your movie to the studio boss. Actually, I should have asked you two this much sooner: can you sum up DANNY in one line - two at a push? Try it - I'd love to see what you come up with.
When you're reviewing 2 try rapid writing it. Just write down everything you want to say about it, then read it back, actively looking for spoilers. You then delete what you can't euphemise (damn sure that's not a word). Might work for you.
But yes, of course I'd let you have a bash at selling the book - glad to. I just need to know you realise just how bloody profitless it can be and whether you have a back-up plan of anything you could do with unsold copies if it didn't work? If you lived down the road from me we wouldn't need to have this discussion. It would be a case of "What the hell, let's try it, it's just the cost of the stall and petrol." But here we'd have to get them to you (costly) and then we'd have to get them back if it didn't work or you couldn't face repeating the exercise.
You see where I'm going with this, I don't need to belabour the point. Think about it, and if you reckon you could make it or a combination of ideas work then we'll get our collective heads together and thrash something out.
Sending you fliers, little posters and the like is not such a problem. We can have them dispatched to you straight from the printers and therefore running up no extra cost. As long as you actually put them out then it's a profitable exercise.
Anyway, this is too much information, ask that psychic sister of yours what she thinks. Remember also that selling to the public can be a bit nerve-racking, it takes a certain extroverted personality. Shrinking or hiding won't cut it.
P.S. I apologise profusely if you've been market trading since you were 6 and already know all this shit.
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Thursday, 07 February 2008
Hiya just thought I'd post because Jill's found out that her husband Karl has to go on a business trip to Aberdeen on Monday and Tuesday (I think that may be where your base camp is, I think I read that somewhere, I could have made that up however, I tend to do stuff like that). Anyway we thought if you think its a good idea you could drop off a few of the books in his hotel reception if you are anywhere near it. Thought I should at least mention it as it seems a good opportunity, if not I'm sure there will be other ways. I thought of using the books we have (because we have six between us) and use them and the web site address if we run out. My friend knows someone who has involvement with art fairs and she is helping us find the best one to sign up to. If it all turns out to be fruitless I have no problem posting the books back (or sending them back with Karl) after we've had a good go at selling. This is however pointless if I have made up the fact that you are near Aberdeen, so get back to us if you think its a good or bad idea.
Posted by: Jodie | Saturday, 16 February 2008
Hi Jodie, yes we are in Aberdeen. However, we let our car go last summer so it depends where he is staying exactly in Aberdeen.
We would also need to know how many books you envisage selling - again, that would be a transportation issue. Is Karl coming up here by car?
Anyway, can you contact Max directly on poisonpixieltd@btinternet.com asap and let us know the answer to the above? If you could also give us a phone number to get you over the weekend he can talk to you directly which would make things a whole lot easier.
Obviously, don't put your phone number/e-mail on here.
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Saturday, 16 February 2008