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Saturday, 12 January 2008
Let Me Entertain You...
Reviews.
Hmm…
DANNY 2 hasn't had any. (I'm talking reader reviews.) Yet. And this has got me thinking. Aside, of course, from the usual "My book must be crap, no-one's reviewing it. My God, I've failed, what's the point of going on…." thinking.
It was very disappointing at first; there was soul-searching, doubt, moaning, depression, moaning again, but I did realise that I had overlooked something very important.
I don't write reviews. I think I have a half dozen – maybe not even that – on IMDB and one (I think) on Amazon (my Ayn Rand) and the one I did on Penguin. But, let's face it, they made me write that one.
I had been thinking about this reviewing lark before DANNY 2 came out. When I was faced with 'doing' Ayn Rand, in fact. I realised that my universe was a little unbalanced. I didn't read books, I wrote them. That seemed okay – after all, I had put in around 20 years solid graft of Reading, and its buddy, Book Buying. I think I paid my dues on that one. But I realised that I never reviewed, shared opinions, didn't give a fuck what other people thought about my taste in… well, just about anything. I had no desire to share my 'thoughts and opinions'.
I do on here, of course, but only non-fiction and films – not novels.
So… rightly or wrongly, I have decided to redress my karmic balance and put in what I would like to get out… ish.
I have decided – very tentatively – to try reviewing some novels.
Of course, first problem with that is I have to read them. But, hey, I'm okay – I can handle that.
I've decided that to help that karmic debt I will not review anything from a big publishing house. Plenty of people do that, and the only advantage in me joining in is I'd almost certainly go against the flow and disagree with everyone else. Might make for entertaining reading, but these authors are the very people who don't need my 'help', by way of exposure – they have plenty of their own.
No, I propose to review books from small to medium publishing houses. This includes anything from indie publishers, such as Poison Pixie, through to companies the size of, say, Canongate or Serpent's Tail, and right down to self-published, POD and even vanity-press victims – if there is still anyone mad enough to go that route.
In short, if you've written/published a book and you don't belong to Time Warner/Random House/ Penguin, et al – I'll review you.
Okay, that said, there are a few caveats. (If you are not interested in having a book reviewed you might want to stop reading here, if you haven't already.)
Here we go:-
First, and most important, be aware of who, and what, I am. I gave up reading novels for a reason. They bored me. I'd read it all before, seen it all before, in a million, trillion guises. There was nothing new or fresh – or not so far up its middle-class ass that I didn't want to take it out and shoot it – in the whole Universe.
Bearing this in mind, I am unlikely to enjoy ANYTHING that is a rip-off of someone else's work. Your fresh take on Star Trek, your new vampire Lestat, or your latest sad, lonely, divorced detective will not thrill me. Unless you really have done something new with it. In which case I will embrace you like a brother.
I don't like fantasy novels. Or worlds. Or universes. I have never been able (or had the urge) to read a fantasy novel. I managed ten pages of the first Harry Potter. I consider Lord of the Rings juvenile, anal retentive and tooth-grindingly boring. Gollum is Tolkien's only character that actually has character, and I consider his books unreadable. If your idea of 'naming' something involves putting fifteen consonants and one vowel in a made-up word (The Unholy Chasm of Ypthlic, say) I will hunt you down and kill you like a dog.
I am telling you this only because there is a time to cut your losses, and if you are a fantasy writer that time would be now. Yes, you can send me your fantasy novel. But I may not be able to read it. Worse, if I do, imagine what I might say about it.
I am not a fantasy reader or buyer. I am not your audience. Nothing I could say to you, no matter how kind I was being, would help you. The advice I would give you would be total crap. In fact, if I liked your novel you should probably worry, because your intended audience would probably hate it.
I'm also not a big fan of technologically heavy boy novels such as war/espionage/thrillers where the guns & cars are more important than the hero – or the plot. I consider both Ian Fleming and Frederick Forsyth to be very bad writers indeed (not to mention closet queers), so you should maybe go a little cautious sending me any clones, or things with masturbatory gun detail.
Otherwise, there are no restrictions on content/genre.
Literature, art, experimental, romance, detective, horror, science fiction (remember my strange names and worlds allergy here, though), chick-lit, Aga sagas, historical – throw it all at me. There used to be a standing joke that I'd read the back of a sauce bottle – and it's true
Lastly, I don't guarantee to review your book. You'll get more details on that when you e-mail (I'll give you the link in a sec), but, basically, if I don't think I can read it, or it's really too far from my interests I'll return it.
I do not do vicious attacks. Even if I hate your book I'll tell you exactly why. This is both a good and a bad thing – I'll tell you the truth, but it's my truth, and lots of people will not share my opinions. Neither I, nor any other critic or reader, is God – we do not have the definitive word on your book. That said, people believe what they read, so if you don't want people reading potentially 'damaging' opinions don't send me your book.
The real upside for you is I am probably one of the shrewdest critics you'll ever have. Even people who hate me still read me. It will probably be one of the most detailed reviews your book will ever have, and I promise you material you can actually use – not vague, generic crap that anyone could have written about anything.
I have no agendas and I've never met an author yet that threatened me. Lastly, although it may sound odd, I don't care about you or your book, and this is a good thing – honest. I have no point to prove, you can't let me down, or fail to provide me with the perfect romance, mystery, erotica…
It's important you understand that this arrangement is not reciprocal. I am not interested in you reviewing my book in return. Review it if you like, by all means, but if you want to read my book you'll have to buy it. You cannot buy a 'good' review from me by being my buddy or showing me yours if I show you mine. This is immensely liberating for both us of us, and it means that whatever I say you can at least trust it to be unbiased.
The final payoff, of course, is that this blog (Blogspirit) has around 2,000 readers a month, plus a handful more on MySpace (I'm embarrassed to say I don't know how many – around 50 a week, I think). I will also, if you give consent, post the review on Amazon.com and co.uk. However, if I find this idea productive I may set up a separate site for reviewing and that would offer yet more exposure.
But that's a big if. I may loathe this. Maybe no-one will send books. A million things could be wrong with this idea – all yet undiscovered.
For now, this is what you're getting in return for your effort/outlay: a top quality, literate, articulate review and respectable exposure to an intelligent audience who are looking for something new and different, and who actually buy and read books – plus guaranteed Amazon reviews.
Right, that's more than enough to be going on with.
If you are interested in having your book reviewed then please click on the following link to e-mail Max Scratchmann at poisonpixieltd@btinternet.com
Finally, if you belong to any writers' sites or groups by all means pass the word along or link them to this blog.
Looking forward to reading you…
You can now read this blog at the following locations:-
To subscribe to this blog on Blogspirit (my base camp) without divulging your email address click on the Newsgator button on the left-hand sidebar (on the Blogspirit site) or simply post the following text into your RSS browser: http://www.poisonpixie.com/chanceryblogfeed.xml
Not yet discovered the wonder of The DANNY Quadrilogy? You can check out all the volumes in print now at Poison Pixie where you can read an extract of Volume 1 for FREE! Or start your collection on Amazon here where you can also buy a print sampler, entitled CULT Fiction, containing an introduction to the DANNY series and an excerpt from Volume 1, for only £2.99.
You can also see me in person on my YouTube site (as well as DANNY's various trailers and ads) here or you can see the same material on the Poison Pixie film site where you can also hear our Mr Scratchmann read his delightful comic verse in his podcasts.
Lastly, there is an independent DANNY Discussion Board run by fans, C Stone's DANNY where anyone is welcome to go along and chat about the book till their guts bust.
00:45 Posted in Blog , Leisure , Web | Permalink | Email this
Comments
Chancery & Max, thanks for the lovely card. It made me feel very posh to receive post from England out here in the boonies.
Also, I have all along very much intended to write the review Danny 2 deserves, but I know I couldn't possibly do it justice. I hope you'll settle for something shoddy eventually. Just give me a few more guilt trips, and it will happen... I was raised Catholic after-all.
Your #1 Terrible Fan,
Jen
Posted by: Jen | Tuesday, 15 January 2008
Hello.
I have finally been allowed out of the world of film, semiotics, and psychosexual development that is my university degree, and can return to the world of sex, murder, love and lies. Yay.
I have now done a review (of Book one because I thought I should do volume one before I wrote about two) it is the first review I have ever given anything so didn't have a clue what to say and it may be weird and shit. However I will be posting it around town to everywhere I can think of.
P.S. If I kidnap 10,000 people and read them DANNY until they want to buy it, can I have volume 3.
Posted by: Jodie | Thursday, 17 January 2008
Hi Jen, I'll thank you not to criticise my fan, Jen, who is a good fan, not 'terrible'. How DARE you.
On the other hand, if I can guilt trip you into writing a review... you terrible, dreadful, selfish, unfeeling fan, you.
But don't be worrying about doing V2 justice - at the moment writing any fucking thing about it at all would be doing it a favour.
I look forward to seeing your suitably shamed catholic over-compensation in print any day now......
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Thursday, 17 January 2008
Good God, Jodie, film, semiotics (I am ashamed to say I don't even know what that is) and psychosexual development? What the hell are you studying? Publicity for Serial Killers?
And have you posted this review - the first of many, I hope (no pressure) - anywhere, or are you going to do my stunt and make us all wait months (or, indeed, years) to read it?
And, as for the PS, right now if you convinced ten people to buy Danny 2 I'd e-mail Danny3 straight to 'ya. (Kidding. Actually, if I thought that would motivate any of you I might just do that... No, no, I musn't. Yes, DO it. Bribery, blackmail, there is no depths I wouldn't plumb for some sales... How about sexual favours? Yes, sexual favours. I could...)
[Wanders off aimlessly, mumbling.]
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Thursday, 17 January 2008
You got it, I had to draw up an ad campaign for the West family business. Joking, its actually film studies but its got a lot of different theories, some extremely annoying. Semiotics is boring, it’s the use of symbols as a sort of language, don't get me started.
Review for book one was posted on Amazon but it said they have to approve it and that will take a day at least, it's not on yet though. I haven't saved it anywhere but when they put it on I will post it in other review sites. Also a review for two is coming.
I have worked out how to live journal cut and there is a thread already started discussing DANNY 2, all precautions have been taken so if anyone who has read 2 wants to chat about it without spoiling it for people who haven't finished feel free to join in. (If you haven't read DANNY volume 1 or 2 DON'T click on the comments of the spoiler post)
Click on C Stones Danny if you’re fit to burst.
Posted by: Jodie | Friday, 18 January 2008
OH MY GOOOOOD, you are the best writer EVER. Just about at the end of Danny 2-reached a pinnacle point if you know what I mean!!! All I can say is Well Done Ms Stone, Well Done.
Got to go and read the end now.
Posted by: Jill | Sunday, 20 January 2008
Thank you, Jill. Please, everybody, send me more comments like this. There is no extreme I am not prepared to accept.
And thank you, Jodie, for the Amazon review. It has appeared VERY promptly - not like Amazon at all - and has cheered the reviews up no end. I hadn't had a new one since 2006 and they were getting very stale. Can't wait to see your number 2 effort (oh, that's not rude in any way...)
As for the semiotics, I had to look it up in the dictionary - couldn't stand not knowing - and my heart goes out to you, I can imagine the average lecturer let loose with symbolism in foreign art movies. Dear God, the pain.
Do you plan a career in films? If so, please ensure it's something where I (we?) can thoroughly use, abuse and exploit you to get DANNY The Movie made - you know you want it...........
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Sunday, 20 January 2008
Hi book 2 review is on its way but spent about three hours on my real post for book 2 on c stones danny so will have to do it tomorrow now. Anyone interested in commenting on book two go along and read it, tell me if you agree or disagree and give me more to discuss as I really want to know what people thought of the twists and turns in the new book. ONLY IF YOU HAVE READ BOOK 2 THOUGH.
Not actually sure what the fuck I'm planning to do after university, whether it will follow film or if I'll have to wait to get into that area until I find a place that will have me. Not thinking about it too much at the minute as it is my final year and it is a terrifying prospect that I'm going to have to decide what I'm going to do for an actual career. But you can count on the fact that if my job can put Danny on the big screen it will, if I have anything to do with it.
In fact me and Jill spent hours the other day coming up with ways we can spread the word about DANNY and get more people to buy the book. We were thinking of ways we can advertise it for you in our area, the sandwich board came up again along with the idea of me running around shouting 'Buy DANNY by Chancery Stone you imbeciles' with Jill along side pointing at me (don't worry that wasn't one of the best we came up with). If it's ok, when we've decided which ones are the best, we were going to ask for your approval of them. Our weekend is going to be spent drawing up Sheffield centric promotion ideas, I need distractions to take my mind of the ever hastening decisions of the future.
Posted by: Jodie | Tuesday, 22 January 2008
Hey, you knock yourselves out, my girl. And we both quite liked the sandwich board idea - and the running, pointing and shouting routine. Nothing like jolting people out their comfy ruts.
I'll leave you to your brainstorming session, see what you come up with, but if you want to put fliers out around the university/ies, cinemas, cafes and so forth (which we do here) we print different ones up periodically and we can easily send you some.
But I'd rather not put ideas in your head. Frankly your running around and shouting is far more innovative (if a little more likely to lead to arrest). Fliers are boring and I'm overhauling all ours at the moment, trying to come up with a "sticky" idea - not an easy concept to pull off with something the size of DANNY. Rubik's cube, it ain't.
So, please, get well outside the box before you adopt the old flier routine. They can be done any time, by anyone.
And I will definitely hold you to helping us get DANNY the movie made. I am in the process of getting a US agent to get me in the door at HBO. You never know, you might see a mini-series of DANNY yet.
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Tuesday, 22 January 2008
Chancery,
After a sleepless night, I've finally written a review of Danny (the first, since I hadn't done one). Feel free to do whatever you like or not with it, cut and paste words so that they make sense, or tell me it's full of shit!
_________
Danny is a gothic novel in the truest sense, an isolated and idyllic house teeming with grotesque characters that alternately strain against each other and fuck friction into each page. The passion, need, and fear are literarily palpable. At the center of all this is a forbidden romance far more forbidden (and thus romantic) than any I’ve encountered before. The eponymous character, Danny, is an enigma, at first a seemingly innocent teenager who we find is nothing less than a sleeping incubus, and awakened, nothing can stop him. Everything he touches turns into a quivering pile of violence. He is so beautiful that he can’t help himself. Neither can anyone who knows him, least of all his brother John, as obsessed with a greed to have him as Danny is with the need to be possessed. At its core the novel demonstrates how a person’s environment creates them, and what happens when that environment is a dysfunctional family riddled with terrible secrets. Especially for those who think they have no heart, Chancery Stone seems determined to break it. Love and hate are as synonymous here as they should be. Some will find the sheer pornography frightening, but the more honest will find it exhilarating. Danny is fucking fearless, its pantheon of Jackson-Moores drawing on ancient archetypes so well-hidden by proper society that they’re completely revolutionary. I’ll never hope to read a shorter almost-thousand page novel, and neither will you, if you aren’t afraid of your own black heart. Danny is the car crash you can’t look away from because you know that you, too, are composed of the same blood, guts, and lust.
Posted by: Jen | Friday, 01 February 2008
Hi Jen, that is a truly beautiful review - succinct and original. I particularly loved the "pantheon of Jackson-Moores drawing on ancient archetypes so well-hidden by proper society that they’re completely revolutionary".
I will be stealing that and using it on my publicity.
It feels almost ungrateful to now ask you to post it somehere more public. Everyone who reads this blog - even its anti-fans - is already a convert, so you are preaching to the saved here. You need to stop hiding your light under a bushel and go public - Amazon, say.
At the moment Volume 1 is not in the U.S. (and this review is about 1, isn't it?), but you can put it on UK Amazon, and any other reader/book site that takes your fancy. Spread yourself out a bit - you have a lovely writing style, and the fact that it's helping my book encourages me to urge you to share it.
There, ingratitude over. Honestly, my work being praised aside, it really is good - very shrewd and with an intuitive grasp of how to write passionately without overdosing on adjectives. Well done you!
Now, go do more.......
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Sunday, 03 February 2008
Jen, forgot to say, Amazon might not allow "profanity" - I quote - in their reviews. Might be an idea to **** the fucks out if you don't want the review bounced.
On the other hand, you could always try posting it and see if it slips under the net. Personally, I think they make it so I'd like to see them left intact.
Down with censorship!
P.S. Have to say this again, because it's important you believe me, that really IS a good review. Cynical, rancorous old me actually teared up when I first read it. Thank you.
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Sunday, 03 February 2008
Hi-here it is-never wrote one before - let me know what you think.
A Great Philosopher once wrote: "Naughty, naughty, very naughty."
DANNY takes you on a journey through the lives of the Jackson-Moore brothers - John, Ian and Danny. Where most people use social norms and learnt family behaviours to guide them, these three brothers use manipulation and twisted reasoning; they constantly feed off each other’s dark and dangerous emotions to satisfy their own hungers.
Lust, obsession and violence are the backbone of the novel, but we see them here in a way never portrayed before: stripped to the very core for all to see.
Danny, the youngest brother and central character, uses his innate sexual magnetism as a tool to corrupt everyone he comes into contact with, much to his betrothed’s dismay
Ian, the middle brother and most conniving, proves that it is the quiet one you have to watch.
John, the eldest and most physically powerful, shows how dangerous and heartbreaking obsession can be, when it is taken to the nth degree.
As the dark, sinister secrets of this dysfunctional family are revealed we are given a small indication, and an even smaller understanding, of their past and begin to develop our own explanation and acceptance for their unnatural behaviour. The book sweeps you through a whirlwind of emotions, leaving you with an abnormal want... no, NEED for perverted satisfaction.
DANNY is the savage dog that people are willing to have a quick look at but never touch. Those that do, find themselves compelled to an animal that can never be tamed - and that is the one thing you now love about it.
Go on - have a stroke!
Posted by: Jill | Monday, 04 February 2008
Jill, great review. Right in there like an old pro - soundbites and all. I loved the idea of the book leaving you with "an abnormal want". How vampiric is that? I'd never thought of that before. Definitely pinching that one.
I also loved the "Go on, have a stroke". Managed to be rude, funny, sexy and dangerous in one bite (you've got me at it now).
Would you slap me with a wet fish if I re-punctuated it? I misread the abnormal want line first time round and it's such a great line I want to be a pedant so that no-one else can mis-read it. 'I only vant to make you great, dahlink', but, if you would rather die than see one comma changed just say so - my feelings will not be hurt! I hate people fucking with my punctuation (as you all know ad nauseam) so I'm on your side.
Right, now that you've started your career as a critic you must keep going. Know what they say, practice makes perfect....
P.S. I want to know ALL about Barnsley...
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Thursday, 07 February 2008
Can believe you thought the review was ok-i'm really shocked and very pleased. Yes please go ahead and punctuate as you wish I want my points to be taken correctly.
The dream went like this-me and Jodie were stood in the middle of Barnlsey about 20 meters from the market-so right in the square and we had a white cart with loads of copies of Danny on it-we had a big board with Danny vol 1 front cover on it and some one liners that ive heard/read about the book-i.e. your mother wouldn't like it and Danny the eponymous hero-stuff like that. We were stopping people and trying to talk to them about it and get them interested-if anyone was interested, we had a secret grate at the side of the cart-remember it was a dream, go with it-if they bought the first book we gave them a key to go down the grate and get vol 2. Then they came back up it with the two copies!!!
Posted by: jill | Thursday, 07 February 2008
Hi Jill, review now punctuated to bring out the deathless beauty of your prose. Read it and make sure you like it - anything you want changed back just yell.
I had to make an assumption about the DANNY in the last para that it was DANNY the book you were talking about and not Danny the man. If this is wrong let me know and I'll put it back into lower case. In order to bring out the depth of your "need" I had to put it in blocks as there is no italics for emphasis on comments. It just seemed rather flat and lost without it, but if you don't like it just say the word.
If you copy it and paste it into a word document you can then post it anywhere you like, plus you can put the "need" back into lower case and italicise it the way it should be, to give it full weight.
The only other thing I'm not sure about is the use of betrothed in the 4th para. I have the feeling I'm being dense here and that you are maybe referring to John? If so, I like it - nice idea. If it IS a blooper my vote goes on leaving it anyway because it sounds really deep and meaningful (which, of course, if it was intentional, it is).
So, Barnsley, eh? You still haven't told me how you FELT about the dream - was it good, bad, something else entirely? And I loved the grate thing, very magic realist. It sounded like something straight out of Angela Carter. There's something delicious about having to go through an Alice in Wonderlandian grate down into a secret world to get DANNY 2.
Hmmmm..... wonder if there's mileage in that?
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Friday, 08 February 2008
Hi-thanks it reads much more how i meant it now. Danny was Danny the book so that was right and the betrothed was abput John but I didn't want to reveal too much to the potential reader so didn't want to put his name in, wasn't sure if betrothed sounded right but couldn't think if another word so left it, think it sounds ok now.
Cant really explain how I felt in the dream, ive got a heart of stone you see, no feelings, doesn't really change when I sleep-only joking-not very good at recognising how I feel though, I think I felt interested in what I was doing and enjoyed talking to people about how good DANNY is, with the backing of my sister. Thats all I can really about feelings.
Posted by: jill | Sunday, 10 February 2008