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Wednesday, 05 September 2007
The Making of a Modern Masterpiece
SPOILER ALERT! If you haven't read DANNY Volume 1 you might want to give this blog a miss as it contains some spoilers. Of course, you could always buy the book, read it, then you get to see the blog. It's a thought…
Hi, running horribly late with my editing - it's taking longer than I expected - and missed the Scarlet deadline for the November issue. However, they're still keen to have us so we're provisionally booked in for the Xmas issue. I've got to get a PDF to her for the end of September, but I doubt if it will be all shiny-finished by then, which means she'll be reviewing a slightly under par edit. Can't be helped.
Further downsides are that I've had to stop getting the Minor Works typed up because I can't take the time out to dictate then transcribe them - so that's on hold too - and I've got no time to blog. My work days are a nightmare. All day (and night) at the computer, sore necks, perpetually sore wrist (hell, arm), bored, irritable, sleeping badly, depressed. Jesus Christ, it's a great life.
Sooo… in order that you do not forget about me entirely I thought I'd give you an opportunity to see the work in progress. Now here's something I'd never normally do. I'm going to let you see some first draft. Dear God, the pain.
What follows below isn't the original first draft – that would be covered in lots of brackets and alternate lines. Unfortunately, because I didn't wise up fast enough, there is no original, original first draft of DANNY Volume 2 as transcribed from the handwritten page. This draft you see below is the first(ish) corrected draft taken from the hand-written version (when I first realised I ought to be keeping the damn things). It is still only very roughly punctuated and contains nearly all the salient material contained in the original.
It's followed by the scene as it stands as of yesterday when it was edited (it's around p649 of the current 906 pages). Even a cursory comparison will show you three major shifts. Changes in punctuation and layout, deletion of adverbs, and then, most noticeably, concentration of dialogue. The latter tends to get whittled down and down and down again till it only contains the most salient tilt of the conversation – the object being to make it faster, sharper and, paradoxically, more 'natural'.
This example is not the most edited of scenes by a long shot (some of them are virtually restructured), but, because it is essentially still the same scene it is actually easier to let you see how it's done and, more importantly, what gets lost in the process.
Hope you enjoy it.
ORIGINAL VERSION
It was Gerry's luck to bump into Stephen as he came down the hall from Danny's room.
He smiled and found Stephen banging him up against the wall. He didn't even have time to say, what?
"What do you do for him?" Stephen hissed in his face. He looked almost demonic in the darkness. "What do you do, suck him and cut him at the same time? What shit do you lay out for him to keep him there, little butter-wouldn't-melt-up-my-arse MacAtear? You're a real crafty little shit, aren't you?" Stephen banged him against the wall again. The picture behind Gerry thumped. Gerry felt the corner dig into his shoulder blade. "You fucking cock-sucking little shit."
"Why don't you just put him down Stephen, eh?"
Gerry turned to see Danny coming down the hall towards them.
But Stephen didn't put him down.
"Why don't you make me Danny?"
Gerry said, "Steve..."
But nobody was listening. Danny came up to them.
"I'm not going to stand brawling here with you Steve-o you can forget it."
"Hear that you little runt? You're not worth it. Whatever you give beautiful here it isn't worth it. Join the fucking ranks. Flavour of the month, like the rest of us."
"Put him down."
"Suck my dick."
Danny punched him. Stephen let him go and they began swinging into each other, a tight grunting knot in the hall. They thumped against the wall, the hall table. Gerry stood there saying, "Oh God," hopelessly. He heard Rab say, "What the hell?" Then his feet on the stairs. He came round the corner. "What the fuck...? Hoi... for Christsake."
He got in between them. Gerry joined him. They pulled Stephen off. It wasn't easy. He looked like he was trying to throttle him. When he let go he did it suddenly, like he'd just given up. Rab pushed him belligerently creating more distance between him and Danny.
"Have you two gone off your fucking heads?"
Silence. Gerry could see Danny wipe his mouth on his sleeve. Even in the dark he could see his eyes black, furious. Stephen looked just as bad, like someone at the starter's block just waiting for the word go. Rab seemed to sense it too. He said suddenly, "Danny... clear off."
For a moment it looked like Danny was going to refuse. He looked at Rab, one arm across Stephen's chest keeping him back. Please don't let him say anything, Gerry pleaded to himself.
Danny said, "Yes sir," lazily insolent. He got up off the wall that was holding him up. He walked slowly back to his room. The door slammed.
Rab turned to Stephen. "What is wrong with you?"
"Go fuck yourself Rab."
Rab tugged him round to face him. "You're going to have to get a grip Stephen, you'll end up like John."
Gerry stood in the shadows, listening, they seemed to have forgotten him entirely.
"You mean dead? Is this a threat?"
"It's not what I mean and you know it. He's Danny. He's the way he is."
"He's a fucking whore," Stephen said bitterly.
"Alright. If you like... yes."
"That you're paying to have."
Rab's face became tight with anger. "Don't start on me Steve-o. Don't start off-loading what he won't give you on me."
"Like hell. You said it yourself, remember? 'I won't let him'. If you weren't here he'd come with me."
Rab laughed. "Oh grow up. Danny wouldn't go with Jesus Christ himself. Danny's like a cat, he doesn't belong to anyone. The only person Danny would have followed is dead. The only person big enough to make him."
"And aren't you glad? Dead and out the way, and now you can hire him by the hour."
"You've got a really big mouth Stephen, know that?"
"All the better to suck you with. Want it now Rab? You're always badgering me for it. Want it now? Want to play with my big muscles? I know you go for it. Me, John, it's what you like, isn't it? Being the passive little faggot under the big boy. How the fuck does Danny fit in? You get him to lay it on you too? I mean he wields a wicked weapon. I know. My little weakness, Danny's big tool. What's yours?"
"Why don't you shut up?"
"Why? Think I don't know what you're like in bed Rab? Think Danny hasn't told me? Rab likes to take it. Rab likes the rough stuff. Rab's the one who always takes the bottom bunk, isn't that right?"
Rab turned suddenly and walked away. Stephen moved across the hall calling after him, "You fucking queer!" He pushed his door open violently and slammed it shut behind him.
CURRENT EDITED VERSION
It was Gerry's luck to bump into Stephen as he came down the hall from Danny's room.
He smiled and found Stephen banging him up against the wall. He didn't even have time to say, What?
Stephen hissed in his face - he looked almost demonic in the darkness - "You're a real crafty little scout, aren't you?" Stephen banged him against the wall again. The picture behind Gerry protested like chalk on a blackboard. Gerry felt the corner dig into his shoulder blade. "All knife craft and Boy Scout knots."
"Why don't you just put him down, Stephen, eh?"
Gerry turned to see Danny coming down the hall towards them.
But Stephen didn't put him down.
"Why don't you make me, Danny?"
Gerry said, "Steve..."
But nobody was listening.
Danny came up to them. "I'm not going to stand brawling here with you, Steve-o. You can forget it."
"Hear that, you little runt? You're not worth the fight. Flavour of the fucking month. Like the rest of us."
"Put him down."
"Suck my dick."
Danny punched him.
They immediately began swinging into each other, a tight, grunting knot in the hall. They thumped against the wall, the hall table. Gerry stood there saying, "Oh God," hopelessly. He heard Rab say, "What the hell?" then his feet on the stairs. He came round the corner. "What the fuck...? Hoi!"
He got in between them. Gerry joined him. They pulled Stephen off. It wasn't easy. He looked like he was trying to throttle him. When he let go he did it suddenly, like he'd just given up.
Rab pushed him belligerently, creating more distance between him and Danny. "Have you two gone off your fucking heads?"
Silence. Gerry could see Danny wipe his mouth on his sleeve. Even in the dark he could see his eyes, black, furious. Stephen looked just as bad, like someone at the starter's block just waiting for the word go. Rab seemed to sense it too. He said suddenly, "Danny... clear off."
For a moment it looked like Danny was going to refuse. He looked at Rab, one arm across Stephen's chest, keeping him back. Please don't let him say anything, Gerry pleaded to himself.
Danny said, "Yes sir," lazily insolent. He got up off the wall that was holding him up. He walked slowly back to his room. The door slammed.
Rab turned on Stephen. "What is wrong with you?"
"Go fuck yourself."
Rab tugged him round to face him. "You're going to have to get a grip, Stephen. You'll end up like John."
"You mean dead?"
"Oh, get over yourself. He's Danny. He's the way he is."
"He's a fucking whore," Stephen said.
"What's your point?"
"That you're paying to have."
Rab's face became tight. "Don't start on me."
"Yeah, it's nothing to do with you. You'd never try to stop him from leaving."
Rab laughed. "Oh grow up. Danny wouldn't go with Jesus Christ himself. The only person Danny would have followed is dead."
"Yeah, dead and out the way, and now you can hire him by the hour."
"You've got a really big mouth, Stephen, know that?"
"Yeah, want it now, Rab? You're always badgering me for it. Want it now? I know you go for being the passive little faggot under the big boy. Me. John."
"Why don't you shut up?"
"Why? Think I don't know what you're like in bed? Think Danny hasn't told me? Rab likes to take it. Rab's the one who always takes the bottom bunk."
Rab turned suddenly and walked away.
Stephen moved across the hall, calling after him, "Fucking John shoved you under there and you're still crawling." He shoved his door open. "You fucking queer!" Then slammed it shut behind him.
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18:20 Posted in Blog , Books , Leisure , Web | Permalink | Email this
Comments
Hello
Not posted in a while but still on the Danny crusade in private, that mainly consists of reading the book and telling everyone I know to buy it.
Just leaving a comment to see if the release date has changed, hope it hasn't, i'm looking forward to my halloween present.
Sorry if there's misteakes cos writing fast at work, still don't have internet. When i get it i will be posting on live journal again, no fear (in case anyone was scared)
Thanks
Posted by: Jodie | Wednesday, 10 October 2007
The only mistake was mistake, the irony.
Posted by: Jodie | Wednesday, 10 October 2007
Hi Jodie, not quite sure how to break this to you... but, yes, I'm afraid publication date has been pushed back a bit.
I was going to do a blog in the next couple of days, as the pre-ordering will be available, and I was going to break it to you all then... gently, of course.
Please don't yell at me. I'm very fragile right now.
The new publication date is 3rd December (my birthday, this time). Before you pelt me with virtual tomatoes, it will NOT be pushed back any later than that, and I'm hoping I may have it out for November.
So it's going to be more in the order of a Xmas present, I'm afraid.
I promise you I'm doing this for the greater good of DANNY, and by extension therefore, you, dear reader.
That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
I am very, very sorry to let you down like this. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. Right now, I need all the karmic love I can get.
Posted by: Chancery Stone | Wednesday, 10 October 2007
Noooooooooo
Only joking, don't worry my tomatoes are safley refrigerated, I've still got volume one to keep me company. Will look forward to the christmas present instead.
Posted by: Jodie | Thursday, 11 October 2007