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Monday, 18 December 2006
Not Fucking Annie Proulx AGAIN...
Had the urge to talk but I don't know what about.
Crash.
Had the weird experience of watching it back to back with Prime, which made that film's 'don't date gentiles' ideology sound strangely racist, and not terribly rom-com. Not that Jews thinking mixed marriages are bad is at all racist, it's just a cultural tradition, you know. And they suffered in the Holocaust, which always justifies religious or racial intolerance. That's a straightforward equation. Ancestral suffering = racism is good.
But can't find it in my heart to talk about racism, despite it being a natural side effect of America being built on racial genocide. And yet, there they are, surprised and cross as all hell when it rears its ugly head two hundred years later.
But, Annie Proulx. You know, this woman is beginning to deserve a co-star credit on these blogs and I've never even read any of her fucking books. There's something wrong here. When I finally saw Brokeback I thought, Thank God, we can get Annie out this fucking column for good, and here the little cow is, back again.
Annie Proulx and Crash.
I don't buy papers so I miss celebrity extemporising (now there's a word that would get me in her fan club). But I was unlucky, hundreds of years ago, during the same debacle that inspired my irrational hatred of Brokeback, to read an article about the Oscars, written by Annie.
Annie referred to Crash as 'Trash'. This was a snide 'joke'. Annie wrote a long article about how Brokeback deserved whatever Oscar it was they missed (best picture maybe?) and 'Trash' didn't, because 'Trash' was a heavy-handed, clumsy, middle American affront to us educated, liberal sorts that already knew everything 'Trash' had to say. That being, assumably, the reason why America no longer has race problems, because all us educated types have got the problem sorted.
Annie went on at length, Annie used big words and wrote in a sarcastic 'erudite' style that left no doubts about how well-educated she was and how much undeserving, no-brainer, lowest-common-denominator drivel 'Trash' was.
Actually, I'm worried now that she called it 'Crass', or was that another 'reviewer'? Hell, maybe she used both terms. Either way I'm not looking it up. You look it up. More Annie, I don't need.
I don't like Annie's writing style, as you know, but she's not to blame for her fangirl following. Nor is she to blame for the endless supply of stupid love-struck bitches who get their incisors into Brokeback the Movie like it was a drug, sucking every ounce of smooth vanilla essence out of seeing two, very straight Hollywood leading males get down and dirty, tastefully enough that they can hide their wet cunts (the women, that is, not Jake & Heath) behind its tragic and 'moving' Mills & Boon star-crossed lover storyline.
My apologies here to anyone who actually likes Brokeback the Movie. Pretty, inoffensive picture; lovely scenery; very good acting - not knocking anyone liking that - but let's call a spade a spade. The reason why so many women are attracted to the picture is because it's a mainstream movie offering straight men doing gay sex. In an inoffensive way, of course.
Why this surprise? Men have been loving straight girls doing lesbianism since Christ got off on Mary Magdalene and the Whore of Babylon making it at the well.
This fucks me off. This childish surprise and wonderment. But not as much as women prettying it up with all the tear-jerking shit. Admit it, you'd have liked to have seen more of that tent butt-fucking scene, rather than eulogies to a shirt, wouldn't you? Less fishing and more fisting. Okay, maybe not fisting. That's maybe too gay, and then you'd lose ownership. Because, make no mistake, that's partly what this 'success' is about, ownership.
It's not a terribly 'gay' film. No clubs, no moisturiser, no coming out angst. No controlling mother, no drag queens, no cushions, fairy lights or ageist culture. No bitching, no singing, no Hollywood musical quiz games round the camp fire. I can keep this up all day – do I need to go on?
Of course women own it – they were meant to. It was designed for them. It may have happened accidentally. They may even have been thinking in terms of how men would react to it.
Picture scene in Hollywood casting office:
"This has gotta be straight-friendly. What straight-friendly gay actors do we have?"
"What? You kiddin' me? We can't put anyone gay in it. Then we'll only get fuckin' fruits. This is a chick flick, we need manly men, men guys know are straight, so they can go along with the gals without having a hissy fit."
"What about Harrison Ford?"
"Hell, no. Indiana Jones can't suck dick."
"Bruce Willis?"
"Vest & Sweat - too gay."
"I know, what about some young, crossover actors, guys who do action and that indie, alternative crap? That way we'll get the fruit vote and real guys will have seen them do Spider Man and Knights Chase Tail and know they've got balls, and all that kissing's not for real."
"All what kissing? There's going to be kissing?"
"Hell, no." (Shouts to assistant) "Nix the kissing!"
The stupid fuckers possibly never even thought of what women would make of it, other than to say, "The chicks will go for two good-looking, hunky, young straight stars. The gay shit will go right over their heads anyway."
Understand, I'm behind straight men do gay. I like it. I'm with them. But I don't harbour any illusions about what I'm being fed here, and why I'm being fed it. This is my token, girly allowance. And it was done more not to offend male sensibilities than to pander to female ones. But hey….
Back to Annie. I read this 'I was on the spot' report of the Oscars, why Annie hated Trash/Crass, and she dropped a good few more points in my already shrinking estimation. She stuck a line on at the end about how this was all was just sour grapes on her part (no? ) but that's the equivalent of criminals who sermonise on how they know what they're doing is evil but they are simply a tragic product of their environment. If you've gone beyond ignorance you can't use cynicism and fake 'self-knowledge' as an excuse.
But, this aside, I hadn't seen Crash and I, of all people, was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that Crash was indeed some weak, spineless, trite conscience salve for racism. After all, wouldn't be the first time Hollywood had awarded an Oscar to an unworthy picture on the grounds of people-pleasing.
And so, it passed out of my consciousness.
But now, having seen both, Annie's article has come slamming back and she has, personally, just dropped to the bottom of the barrel.
I don't like creatives criticising other creatives. I always feel uncomfortable doing it myself, am always careful to know exactly what I don't like about something, ruthlessly examining myself for ugly little agendas like resentment or envy.
Actually, that's a lie. The last time I can remember being jealous of someone else's success was around 1986. After that I stopped caring. I have no idea why. I'd never been big on it anyway, and it just kind of went away, as in disappeared completely.
I only ever feel envy for skinny people, occasionally for rich ones, although they tend to be glancing blows. And it's never real envy. In fact it's not envy at all. It completely lacks the necessary backstabbing qualities. I detest celebrity magazines and the like. Partly, yes, because tiny females are constantly touted as the pinnacle of female achievement but, mostly, because they are genuinely boring.
The world has gone into some kind of mad overdrive on Stuff. And believe me, skinniness is just the new Stuff. And the only real reason I envy skinny people is clothes. I just love clothes, and if I was skinnier I could buy them out of shops meant for twelve year olds.
Yes, tragically - because it seems rather juvenile and undignified - the only envy I bear towards another human being is because they get to wear pink glitter fur coats and I just can't fit into Woolworth's 5 – 8 year old Ladybird range.
It's the fucking injustice I can't stand.
I'm that rare thing, a woman who doesn't hate skinny women because everyone else thinks they're perfect. I don't think they're perfect. They're skinny. That's it. Some of them nowadays (like Victoria Beckham) absolutely horrify me.
When I was a young teenager I went to Dachau concentration camp and was permanently scarred by life-size photos of human skeletons who looked exactly like Victoria, minus the tan, being put into tanks of frozen water till they died, not nearly as swiftly as I'd have liked. Victoria, and every other poor self-starved, acceptance-deprived soul like her, needs help, not adulation that they've done something bright and shiny and clever. What the fuck is wrong with the world?
Bet Annie's fat. She sounds fat. Can you sound fat? Definitely. But that's a whole other blog.
Annie was envious and resentful and her telling us that that she knew she was doesn't make her right, or forgivable. Especially as Brokeback was in no way the equal, let alone superior to, Crash as a movie, in 'message', construction or delivery. And Annie criticising anyone for delivering a cleaned-up, middle class friendly version of anything has to be the most astounding piece of cheek I've heard in a long time (fishing sex anyone?)
Fuck, she should have won the Oscar for Most Vanilla Movie.
Actually, I'm going to start that. Each year I'm going to award one to the most white-rice, bland picture I've had to sit through.
And there is some terrible irony in all this. For someone whose envy factor is so low it's almost inhuman, I write about it all the time. In fact, I'm going to make a little confession here that I wouldn't normally make. I don't like to tell people too much about DANNY's characters' motivations, or give too much away about what I think it's telling you. That's your job, as the reader, to work that out. But here is a little secret.
DANNY, as far as I am concerned, isn't about love, or lust or sex. It's about two main, deep-rooted themes. One doesn't concern us here, but the other is Envy. Capital letter, like the seven deadly sins. Envy runs through DANNY more deeply and profoundly than any other emotion. In fact, if you look at it very carefully, from the distance of time (and, preferably, if you've read the whole story, as in all four volumes) you will see that the poisonous and corrosive effects of Envy even extend to and embrace the reader, often in ways so insidious you don't even notice them.
I guarantee if you look at the parts, or characters, of the book you don't like, you will see elements of envy in your own response to them. Which means, and it's getting really mystical now, that your response to certain characters has been tainted by envy, and your own reactions are therefore suspect, which means your reading of the book gets warped and you start to misinterpret stuff, miss the point, get judgemental, stop listening, and that makes you make more mistakes, until you are as adrift and as far from your North Star as any of the characters.
DANNY has truly involved you, my friend, in ways you can't even begin to imagine.
There, was that lot rambling, discursive and disjointed enough for you?
PS. Chancery has a very bad cold, for which she inadvertently took three doses of antihistamine-cloning-weird-shit (as part of cold cures) not knowing that they had adverse affects on peptic ulcers, a recurring one of which she has suffered from ever since overdosing on Ibuprofen (no, not a suicide attempt - please- strep throat, actually). Therefore the opinions and views expressed in this interview are not those of Sony Pictures.
(Voice off) She's sick, stoned and in pain, God damn it. Get her out of here before she starts on Why Americans are So Dumb They Have to Hang Flags Everywhere to remind Themselves What Country They're In.
Not yet read DANNY? The price rise for Volume 1 is imminent, and I mean imminent, so if you need a copy check it out now at Poison Pixie where you can read a BIG extract for Free! Or grab a copy on Amazon here.
Once you've bagged your masterpiece you can rub shoulders with DANNY's other rich and famous readers at Chancery Fans
There is also an independent Live Journal DANNY Discussion Board run by fans, C Stone's DANNY. If you would like to talk about the upcoming new volumes or find out why you should read Volume 1 (and you should) Jill & Jodie are experts, so please go along and badger them with questions and unreasonable demands for proof that it's worth reading before you part with your readies. I guarantee they will provide the most hardened literary cynics with a reason, or die trying.
20:10 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Email this
Comments
I loved DANNY. It made me positively ill and elated, and I couldn't put it down. Actually, I'm getting a kick out of reading your blog, too. Screw the fangirl haters, they're just upset that their own masturbatory "orignal" fiction, what with all it's puppy farts, butterfly kisses, and swooning girly boys who never have to take shits, is incredibly dispassionate in comparison. I mean, thank god for you, you wrote the most foul and black-hearted and absolutely sexiest thing I've read in a long time, maybe ever. Please don't abort this baby, even if it is the antichrist and shreds your womb to bits in the process. I really want to read Volume 2, and that's what's important!
Love,
Jen
Posted by: Jen | Thursday, 28 December 2006
Here here. Jen
Come over to cstonesdanny on livejournal if you want to discuss the amazing book and its amazing author.
Jodie
Posted by: Jodie | Friday, 29 December 2006
Hi Jen & Jodie. (Is this some weird, paranormal pattern we're seeing - all my fans have J names?)
So Glad, Jen, that DANNY made you ill - paranoia, erotomania, hallucinations, psychotic breakdown and puking is definitely what I was aiming for. And you're the second person to credit it with being foul. The last one was a literary agent who accidentally sent me a private post-it saying it was (I'm paraphrasing cause I can't remember exactly) the "foulest thing she'd ever read" - she being the company's reader. I was greatly complimented, even although I fear that wasn't what they were aiming for.
And thank for your use of "amazing", Jodie. I always like to think of myself as amazing - it's nice to have support in your self-belief.
I was reading your discussion on DANNY's resemblance to the Wuthering one yesterday. I have to confess the literary antecedents of Ian belong more to Jacobean drama than Bronte, but I did enjoy some of your ideas. But I'm going to be irritating and not tell you what two things I actually did steal from Wuthering Heights.
Have either of you seen the very sweet and impassioned defence (you're an impassioned lot) of me on asthenight's journal on Live Journal (dec 16th)? She has answered your comment, Jodie, on her review of the 9th of October, but she seems to think C Stone's Danny is non-functional. You must correct her misapprehension immediately. (Is that too bossy? Yes, I think it is. See? It's shit like this that gets me into trouble.)
Keep hanging in there.
Posted by: The Amazing Chancery Stone | Monday, 01 January 2007