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Wednesday, 15 November 2006
Marie Antoinette - First Victorian in Hollywood!
Marie Antoinette was Victorian.
All period dramas are set in Victorian times, including Jane Austen – who was also Victorian. The music they usually use in these dramas – Bach, Stravinsky etc – all Victorian.
Modern music is not suitable for these dramas because the music they usually use is Victorian (c.f. Bach, Stravinsky etc).
I'm not entirely sure if films such as Gladiator or Tristan and Isolde are Victorian. I suspect these might be categorised as Greek or just "Old", maybe around the time of Jurassic Park, after the humans cloned reindeer.
Hey, does that make them Restoration dramas?
Cool.
And here we have, in a rather surreal nutshell, the trouble with the internet.
Any idiot with a keyboard can share his stunning intellect with the world.
Of course, idiots have always been sharing their opinions with the world, having lively debates about things they know nothing about.
DANNY managed to inspire no less than three Fandom Wank 'kerfuffles', involving around a thousand people, with no-one – I repeat, NO-ONE – having read the book.
Apparently that was irrelevant. Apparently you can discuss any subject about which you know nothing (less than nothing in my case, as all my Fandom Wanks were based on second-hand information taken from anti-fans) with impunity. That's the wonder of the net. Now you can be stupid BIG-time. And there are lots of people to help you.
Ah, the information super-highway.
And in case anyone is thinking I made the Marie Antoinette thing up just take a look right here on IMDB .
Yes, film fans, this is an entire thread discussing the use of 'Victorian' music versus modern music in Coppola's Marie Antoinette.
No-one contributing to this thread seems to know that Marie was not Victorian. Nor do they seem to understand the definition of Victorian music (that's music before rock, I'm guessing). In fact, I wouldn't like to bet that they understand what Victorian means, or that a British queen is involved and that her time scale doesn't quite embrace the French revolution and that, indeed, Victorian music is very seldom used in period dramas, who much prefer either contemporary scores written for the film or, occasionally, Mozart, snatches of opera and the like, very little of which is Victorian.
Frankly, I think the film industry could do with adopting this new fashion for all things Victorian.
I think Pride & Prejudice would be a far better film with, say, "Daisy, Daisy" rollicking along on the soundtrack, preferably with a strong cockernee accent.
Or how about "Don't sell Daddy any more whisky"? Actually that's an old Country & Western song but what the hell. At this stage who's caring?
The point is it's a meeting of stunted intellects. They are so stupid that they don't know they are stupid.
Previously, before we all got so well-informed, you had to at least be well-educated before you touted your ridiculous opinions. People used to expect you to back your opinions up. Some examples would be good, even some facts and figures.
Dumb people just didn't make it into print. Editors never even saw their copy. It would be bounced at the first gate, long before it reached The Man.
Nowadays it's everywhere. You can't escape it. It's like some dreadful form of brain rot where the stupidity is passed from person to person. And nobody thinks there's anything wrong with it.
It's democratic, man. It's your right. The little guy has the right to his opinion. Absolutely. It's in the American constitution, or something. If they only knew what that was. (Of course they do. Any Americans who don't know their constitution are gassed. And that is a fact. I read it on the internet.)
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO YOUR OPINION.
Did you like that? Here's some more then. You have to earn the right to your opinion. It is not a God-given right. And I don't care if it's in the Burger King Manifesto. American or no, if you are an ill-educated idiot you have no right to shoot your mouth off. About anything. And that applies to British, Indonesian and Welsh idiots too.
I blame television. And celebrity magazines. It's their obsession with nonentities, people who are too dumb to hold the newspaper up the right way, that encourages people to think they can shoot their mouth off at will. "Huh, she's famous for being 1lb away from organ failure – I can be famous too."
Excellent. Let's have more of it. Jerry Springer, IMDB, Fandom Wank, Big Brother. Hell, the whole fucking internet.
So I'm a snob? I only want the well-educated to have a voice?
Hell, no. I want people with a brain and who know how to use it to have a voice. I don't care if they have no fucking education as long as they can string a sentence together.
I don't know if I was somehow unique in British education but my English teacher always used to be really strict about us backing up our opinions. You could say anything you liked, as outrageous as you wanted, but Heaven help you if you couldn't back it up.
This aspect of education, or indeed thinking, appears to have gone out the window entirely. Thinking? Huh, that's for idiots.
Well actually, guys...
J-lo's a sow with a big arse. She shouldn't be in movies.
Really? And how big is your arse, pray? And how big should an arse be? And on whose authority? And this makes her a sow how? Do sows have big arses? Do you have some statistics to back that up? And the last time you went for a shit did you notice grey jelly-like stuff coming out?
I thought so.
And it does seem to be directly exponential that the more stupid your assertions the more likely you are to be vindictive, spiteful, resentful, sneering, envious, small-minded, narrow, petty and definitely out front when it comes to running with the crowd.
I've seen novel-length threads running on IMDB with people firing poisoned spit-balls at each other over some film that did nothing more revolutionary than throw them a curve ball.
Like the Converse sneakers in Marie Antoinette, for example.
Now, I haven't seen this film, but you have all noted (haven't you?) that I am not discussing that film. I am discussing people discussing the film. Keep up.
Apparently there is a scene in a shoe shop where you can see Converse sneakers in the background. There is much 'discussion' on this. A few people think this is deliberate to show how Marie's life parallels that of any modern teenager. But there is a whole heap more slagging Coppola off for how badly she made her film. Not only did she completely miss these Converse sneakers but apparently there's boom mikes in every shot, which, someone else suggests, is to do with the way the film is projected – it really being shot for TV ratio but projected widescreen in the cinema.
I'm not making this up you know.
So what we are really seeing here is that old, worn, but somehow never tired chestnut of, 'I don't get it. Ipso facto, the director (artist/author/singer) is an idiot who doesn't even know if they left their Converse sneakers on set.'
This is why I don't read IMDB.
I am, however, deeply ashamed to admit I have two comments on there. I cracked. I know it's futile. Arguing with baboons would be more productive, but sometimes human stupidity just makes you want to stand up and roar, even if they're all too busy throwing faeces to hear you.
The worst part of all this though is it just isn't entertaining. There is no part of listening to morons that gets me off. Although, I do have to admit when I read the Victorian music thing I did laugh – hence this blog. But, on the whole, the entertainment value is nil, because a constant parade of small-mindedness, nitpicking, squeamish prudery, delusional effrontery and outright moroncy just makes you despair of the human race and leaves you wondering why anyone, self included, ever bothers to attempt 'art'.
There is nothing endearing or edifying about hearing 200 men debate whether it's 'alright' for them to go see The Devil Wears Prada (yes, that's one of my comment blow-ups – oh, the weakness). It leads only to despair. How can I defend men's rights to eat Tracey Cakes (see Even Cakes Have Cunts) if they are too stupid to fight for them themselves? Why should I? They so obviously want to be thought stupid. Hell, they're proud of it.
It must be stopped. Speak out against it now. Leave intelligent comment behind you everywhere you go. Like me.
So, just for the record… Marie Antoinette was not Victorian. She was, in fact, a Greek Myth from around 1066 when Hitler invaded Poland. And I hear she had a fat ass. And if you don't agree with that you're bat-shit – and there's 400 of us here that think so.
Peace out.
Bubblechordflop :-)
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